When my brother introduced us to the board game, "Settlers of Catan," my husband, Dave, and I fell head over heels in love with the game. Riveted by its old-world feel, the capricious rolls of the dice, and the interesting decisions about natural resources and infrastructure building, we got a little obsessive. We played all the time, and we each developed our personal go-to strategies. We approached the dice rolling differently. I’m intuitively-inclined and sought to “get a feel” for how they were landing. I shook them with my eyes closed for a long time, picturing all the rolls that would get me what I wanted. It was all kind of mystical. Dave, an environmental attorney, was all about logic and science. He rejected the notion that each game we played had its own pattern of dice-rolling or that our intentions could influence our rolls. Although he found my intuitive approach illogical and baseless, he was kind (and smart) enough to hold his tongue.
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All relationships get into ruts, even professional ones. When we work with the same people day in and day out, it’s easy to think we have them all figured out. Whether our rapport with our coworkers is positive or difficult, chances are our ways of interacting with them have become a habit we don’t think much about. This can lead to lost opportunities with regard to the connection and energy we have with our colleagues. We lose sight of the possibilities for making our work relationships more productive and pleasant. But in the midst of busy days and heavy workloads, what can we do? Do you sometimes feel disappointed that, despite all your expertise, degrees, and efforts, you still don’t always feel like the leader you aspire to be?
Do you have an image in your mind of how leaders act and what leaders do, and you fall short more often than you’d like? “I’m not a natural leader.” “I don’t have this or that important leadership skill.” “I wish I could write/understand budgets/work a room like s/he can.” Yikes. It can get pretty discouraging, can’t it? But, behold, I have an exciting idea that just may help turn these defeatist feelings around! Most of us keep very close company with our jobs. We spend a heck of a lot of time and energy at work planning, executing, accomplishing, assessing, worrying, thinking, creating, making decisions, stressing. That much proximity can really get under our skin, kind of like other intimate relationships in our lives.
A few years ago, I was waiting at a red light with my baby in her car seat behind me. I was deep inside my head -- listening to music, day dreaming, thinking -- when I heard a “bam!” and felt the forceful impact of steel hitting steel as my car bumped forward.
For a second or two, I was bewildered. It felt like something otherworldly, something completely outside the realm of possibilities for that moment in time. I took a breath, reoriented myself, and realized that another car had struck mine from behind. I reached back to touch my daughter, and we stared at each other with wide eyes. When I saw that she was unharmed and she saw that I wasn’t upset, we both relaxed. I spend too much time wondering what other people are thinking about me. You, too? It’s an insidious reality for most of us, and it manifests in different ways. Sometimes we worry that others are harshly judging what we say, what we do, and even who we are. It feels like we’re under a microscope, and we’d rather not be there. Other times we wonder if they’re sufficiently appreciating how totally awesome we are. We’re afraid people are not noticing us. Either way, we care what they think. Do you get down on yourself when you feel like you’ve gotten off track with your work and career goals? I know I do.
The notion of “getting back on track” seems to start with an assumption that we’ve failed to stay the course toward our goals. We feel like we’ve made poor decisions or erroneously acted or failed to act. And it’s usually accompanied by at least a little self-flagellation. But after years of judging myself for not progressing in a straight line, I’ve decided to abandon this concept. Now I think getting off track is a part of staying the course. Let me explain. Let’s talk about traffic. That’s fun topic, right? Something we all enjoy? Have you ever had that experience where whatever lane you get in ends up being the slow one? You’re eager to get to where you’re going; perhaps you’re rushed or even a little late. Progress is slow and completely outside your control. You watch other cars blithely pass you by, while the needle on your speedometer gets lower and your blood pressure gets higher. I used to take this phenomenon way too personally. I would feel kind of defeated, certain that those other drivers were savvier, bolder, and more strategic than I was. They had figured out the best lane to be in, while I sat there feeling left behind, not just by the passing cars, but by life itself. Crazy, right? As our professional responsibilities grow, program and organizational decisions are increasingly ours to make. That’s a good thing. We're in our positions for a reason: our skills and expertise give us the capacity for sound analysis and good judgment.
Nonetheless, it can sometimes feel a little intimidating. From allocating staff hours to approving holiday party plans, from developing annual budgets to scheduling staff meetings, from assessing funding opportunities to making sense of technology options, decisions are around every corner. Sometimes we need a little advice or someone to be a sounding board. When I was a Peace Corps Volunteer in Senegal, the remote village I lived in spoke a rather obscure language called Jahankeh. Even other Senegalese people had rarely heard of it. It’s a linguistic cousin to Mandinka (as spoken in the book and miniseries, Roots) and Bambara (the majority local language in Mali). As with all foreign languages, there were many fascinating expressions and idioms that offered insight into Jahankeh people’s culture and values. |